


be my mistake (and turn out the light)

by shinelikemillions91



Category: The 1975 (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, They are so in love, idek how to tag this properly, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinelikemillions91/pseuds/shinelikemillions91
Summary: Because then there’s George, and my fucking god does Matty love George, and he’s now only starting to really come to the realisation that maybe it’s been George all along, and maybe that’s why nothing has ever worked, because on some deep sub-conscious level, no one can fucking compare to George. How could they even begin to?
Relationships: George Daniel/Matthew Healy
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	be my mistake (and turn out the light)

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to K and S because you're my loves and you both deserve the world <3
> 
> I don't know where this came from, I was feeling sad while wanting to write and this is what came out.
> 
> I obviously don't believe a word of what I write, so I'm sorry Matty and G, I love you babies.
> 
> Please enjoy <3

Matty throws his phone down hard against the hotel bed with a dull thud, a thrumming headache starting in his temples as a result of not enough sleep, not being in the same place for more than five minutes, and Matty is so exhausted, but sleeping still scares him even after all this time. The oblivion it creates is too vast, too never ending, and it drags him down, and the emptiness fills him with utter dread. He can’t articulate it, doesn’t want to.

Her words are still ringing in his ears, _‘I do love you, Matty, you know that, right?’_ , and she had sounded soft, crackling with static. The distance between them had never felt larger than it did in that moment, and Matty’s own, _‘Yeah, you too, babe,’_ sounded so hollow even to himself that he dreads to think what she might have made of it. She’s too far away, or he is… maybe they both are, and maybe this was never meant to work. It’s so much harder this time around.

He does love her, of course he loves her, how could he not? She’s beautiful, kind, and selfless, and she deserves so much better than Matty, deserves so much more than Matty could ever give her, and that realisation sits heavy on Matty’s chest because he doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know how to fix things, everything is so messy, and too far gone. Matty can’t fucking stand himself sometimes, and this is one of those times. He tugs at his own limp curls in frustration as tears prick at the corners of his tired eyes, and he’s contemplating raiding the mini bar so that he can pass out in an alcohol related stupor when there’s a quiet knock at his hotel room door.

‘Matty, it’s me,’ comes George’s voice faintly through the door, and Matty’s heart clenches painfully inside his chest.

Because then there’s George, and my fucking _god_ does Matty love George, and he’s now only starting to really come to the realisation that maybe it’s been George all along, and maybe that’s why nothing has ever worked, because on some deep sub-conscious level, no one can fucking compare to George. How could they even begin to?

‘It’s open,’ he calls out, but his voice sounds scratchy, he doesn’t care though because he’s way past that, and George has seen him cry more times than Matty can count at this point.

George slowly pushes the hotel room door open, he looks tired too, Matty notes, but at the same time he’s so beautiful and he truly is _everything_ to Matty. He represents stability, strength, and love so powerful that it seems to transcend everything else, it always has.

‘You alright?’ George asks as he presses the door closed, and it feels like he and George are now in their own bubble, he always feels like that when George is around, like nothing can touch him. 

_Is that what love is?_

‘Not really, no,’ comes Matty’s quiet response, his eyes still burning but luckily the tears have kept themselves at bay for the time being.

George’s arms are around Matty before he even has a chance to think, he’s kneeling awkwardly on the bed so he can hold Matty close and he allows himself to sink into it. George smells clean, like shampoo and freshly laundered clothes, whereas Matty hasn’t even changed out of his stage clothes yet. He knows he doesn’t smell particularly fresh, but George doesn’t seem to care, apparent in the way he buries his face in Matty’s neck and slowly rocks them. Matty can’t hold back his tears anymore, his chest heaves, and George only holds him tighter, murmuring mostly nonsense to try and calm Matty down.

Once Matty’s sobs have devolved into mostly hiccupy gasps George pulls away and looks at him, letting a hand come up to brush a stray curl of hair away from Matty’s face.

‘She called you,’ and it comes out like a statement not a question, because George knows that Matty only really gets like this after speaking to her, it’s very much ‘out of sight out of mind’ with Matty, but her phone calls are always a stark reminder and Matty isn’t very good at coping with them, especially when he’s so strung out and tired.

‘I can’t take this guilt anymore, George,’ Matty says quietly, his voice hitching as he says George’s name. ‘It’s so unfair to her… I’m a fucking piece of shit, she could do so much better…’

‘Shut up, Matty,’ George says, and his voice is low and warning, his hands still touching Matty’s face, cupping his damp cheek. ‘You’re the best person I know.’

‘You’re such a shitty liar,’ Matty says weakly, his eyes raising to meet George’s, and the look George is giving him crumbles any resolve that Matty thought he had because he presses his lips to George’s so desperately that it’s like George is his only source of oxygen. Matty can’t get enough and George is just as responsive, and Matty _knows_ he feels this too, because George, while not vocal about his wants and needs, is so demonstrative with looks and touches. He’s so good at making Matty feel loved. George kisses him so completely that Matty feels weak under the onslaught of need radiating from him.

Their first kiss had been drunk and messy, and almost entirely an accident. They’d been drunk to the point of falling over themselves on the way home from some party. Matty had gone to kiss George sloppily on the cheek but had missed the mark, with his lips landing softly on the corner of George’s mouth. He had pulled away, embarrassed for obvious reasons, but George had just looked at him confused for a few seconds before pulling Matty into him and kissing him until they were both giggly and breathless. It had gone unspoken, they would kiss when they were drunk but it never meant anything, until one day it did, until they were too far gone, and girls had always come and gone. 

Until she had stayed.

Matty knows that it hurts George to see him with her, but George is so _good_ , he never says anything, never complains, not even for a second, because George knows that she’s good for Matty. She gives him a semblance of normalcy in an otherwise tumultuous existence. She’s _safe_. However, George’s reaction whenever he kisses her or holds her hand does not go unnoticed by Matty, his stomach always clenches at the downward slump of George’s shoulders, and he definitely doesn’t miss the absence of George’s laugh. George doesn’t laugh like he used to, and the fact that this is largely down to Matty makes him feel sick.

‘Matty,’ George pants and Matty snaps out of it, nodding quickly because he knows exactly what George wants, what that tone in his voice means, and Matty is as stubborn as a mule with most things, but not with George, he’d give George the sun if he could.

They strip quickly and Matty is on his back, George has Matty’s hands pinned above his head, one of George’s large hands encircling both of Matty’s wrists with George crowding over him, and it spikes arousal in Matty so strong that his equilibrium feels off. No matter how many times they’ve done this, he still can’t understand the visceral reaction he gets whenever he’s near George like this, no girl has ever evoked that in him, no matter how hot they were. George never fails to make him weak.

The first time Matty and George had fucked, Matty had been off his face on some concoction of drugs, a flight risk after a show and George had offered to stay on the bus to make sure that Matty didn’t do anything stupid. George had simply sat and watched as Matty all but climbed the walls, ranting and raving about everything and nothing. He’d gone to pour himself a glass of water but his hands had been shaking so badly that he’d dropped the glass on the floor, it shattered everywhere and George had jumped to his side in an instant. George had busied himself with sweeping up the mess and Matty had stilled, watching him before spitting, vehemently, ‘You’re not my fucking keeper, George. Get up.’

‘Please, just shut up,’ George had growled through gritted teeth as he emptied the brush pan full of glass into the bin.

‘Oh, fuck off,’ Matty had spat in response because if there’s one thing Matty thrived on when he was like that, it’s a fight, and he had wanted to get a reaction out of George, to stop him from being so fucking placid all the time. And it had worked.

George had shoved Matty hard against the bus wall, their faces close, breathing coming out in angry gasps, and it had been George who leaned in first. He had fucked Matty face down on the sofa, all angry words and a bruising rhythm that had left Matty struggling to sit comfortably for days after.

But that was then, and this is now, and the tender way in which George is touching Matty is a far cry from that fractious night three years ago. Matty is so in love he can’t stand it, feels sick from it, _hates_ himself for it because this was never part of the plan, and the power George has over him is too much. He knows deep down that if he was to ever screw anything up between him and George that it would destroy him, he could never come back from that.

Matty knows exactly when everything changed between them. When they had crossed that line between fucking around because it felt good, and _something else_. She had been staying at the studio with them, in the kitchen chatting to Ross when he and George had been putting the finishing touches on the record. They had been alone and Matty had been beaming with pride at what they’d created, his eyes a little glassy with tears when George had simply cupped his face and kissed him. It had been soft but insistent, and Matty’s hands had been trembling as George pulled away. ‘You’re brilliant,’ George had laughed softly before pressing their foreheads together, and they had stood there like that for what felt like eons until a peal of her laughter had broken them apart. George had busied himself with something on the screen, and Matty had been left wringing his shaking hands, staring at the back of George’s head and desperately fighting the urge to kiss him again. Wanting to feel consumed like he so often did when George touched him even slightly. 

From then on, Matty couldn’t help but look at George differently, and he noticed things too, like how often George’s eyes would find his, the fond smiles and small touches which Matty had always taken as just being _them_ suddenly meant so much more. They started to find themselves sneaking soft kisses rather than frantic touches, and sometimes they would wait until everyone was asleep on the bus before Matty would climb into George’s bunk, and they would just hold each other. They became like magnets, unable to stay away from each other for even the shortest amount of time, and even when Matty had felt like everything was crashing down around him, George was always there to hold him up, and promised he always would be.

George preps him with gentle, slicked fingers, his knees pressed up under his chest, and George presses his lips against any part of Matty’s skin that he can reach because he knows how much reassurance Matty needs, constant touch, a reminder that George has got him. George has always got him. And when George eventually pushes inside him, Matty feels so complete, so full that he starts to cry again, tears mingling with sweat as George rocks into him slowly. 

He winds his legs around George’s waist and clings to him, pleasure burning him up from the inside as George fucks him so deep, so good, so _all consuming_ that Matty’s thighs shake. And when George pulls out almost all the way before shoving back inside, Matty completely arches off the bed, his hands grasping at George’s biceps to ground himself.

Their eyes meet, and the words come before Matty can stop them.

‘ _God_ , I love you, George,’ he whispers, it’s quiet, but he knows George hears him because he stills, his face still pressed into Matty’s neck.

‘I love you so much, Matty… you know I adore you,’ George murmurs, and Matty feels everything inside him shatter because love isn’t meant to fucking hurt this much.

When Matty eventually comes it’s with a weak cry, and George follows suit as he comes, filling Matty with warmth that makes something bloom in his chest because the feeling of being claimed, _owned_ , is so delicious that it makes the anguish worth it. Sometimes.

They come down together, and George intertwines their sweaty fingers, staying mercifully silent with his face still pressed into Matty’s damp curls. Matty is almost falling asleep when he hears George’s voice, gruff and raw break through the silence of the room.

‘No matter what happens, I’m yours, okay?’

‘Mine,’ Matty whispers and kisses him, deep and earnest, pouring every ounce of love into the kiss because, despite how good Matty is with words, he doesn’t think anything he can say could convey just how much George means to him. It’s unfathomable and utterly unprecedented but he wants to turn back time, wants to go back and tell his younger self to kiss that tall, lanky boy that makes him laugh like no one else ever has, to not second guess it for even a minute because George is the most important person in the world. George is his world, they orbit each other, are so in sync with each other that they might as well be the same person. 

_That is what love is._

Matty’s phone vibrates at the foot of the bed, he knows it’s probably her but he ignores it. 

Just for tonight.


End file.
